


Pain is real, but so is hope

by flightofahummingbird



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Family, Fluff, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Little bit of angst, Post-Canon, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9410237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightofahummingbird/pseuds/flightofahummingbird
Summary: For all the shit they’ve been through, you’d think there would be some relief in the aftermath.  A reprieve from heartache and constant battle.  From the painful tears.  These have been the three longest days of their lives.  But it’s not over.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first work I've posted in a very long time and it's also the first in this fandom or on this site. I wrote this like super late at night and I have no idea where the idea came from so it might honestly be terrible. 
> 
> I would really appreciate if you guys leave comments or suggestions. I'm thinking about posting something every once in a while and like anyone who writes, feedback is awesome for me. 
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. I hope you like it!

Bellamy cried the day Clarke told him she was pregnant. He’d sealed his lips to hers and crushed her in a hug so tight he’d nearly suffocated her with the combination. He cried when he first saw the ever so slight swell of Clarke’s abdomen and again when he first felt a kick against his palm. They both cried when their daughter was placed on Clarke’s chest after labor that lasted far longer than Bellamy likes to remember. He smiled and cried when Grace first looked up at him with Clarke’s eyes. He swears he only shed a couple tears when they told her she was going to be a big sister.

But those were happy tears. The happy ones don’t last this long. Or hurt this much.

Bellamy runs a hand over his face and let’s out a ragged breath as he rounds the corner. He sees her then, bent over the table that’s pressed against the back wall of her office in Medical. The charts spread across the scratched wood, as if going over them one more time will change the situation. 

“Clarke.”

She doesn’t acknowledge him. The only sounds that fill the heavy silence are her softly spoken words and his shuffling footsteps. When his hand fall gently on her shoulders, he can feel the tension vibrating through her whole body; the only thing keeping her on her feet. Bellamy rests his forehead against her matted hair.

“Clarke, please. Just come back in there.”

Although she speaks, it’s not to him.

“Maybe it just wasn’t enough. Her fever is high, of course it’s burning through any meds we give her….but it’s not like we can give her higher doses, she’s a child….I could get in contact with Nyko….he probably knows something better…” She shakes her head “Wait no he was -- he was uh here yesterday. Right.”

Bellamy hands slide to cover her own which are gripping her elbows so hard he knows there’ll be bruises. He tries again.

“Clarke...Please. You’ve been in here for hours.”

He is not above begging or crying. He’s been doing it for the past three days anyway. 

Clarke’s left hand moves to pinch the bridge of her nose before she continues rambling and spins out of Bellamy’s arms to cross the room. She begins to rummage through some drawers until Bellamy raises his voice.

“Clarke!”

She freezes.

“What, Bellamy?”

He looks at her exasperated.

“Really?”

Clarke finally turns to face him. It’s not like he wasn’t aware (he saw her this morning and Bellamy knows he looks much the same) but her pained appearance still makes his heart clench. The red, wet eyes rimmed with dark circles. The half permanent worry lines. The unbrushed hair and unchanged clothes. Even looking as despaired as she does, Clarke manages to glares at him 

“Yes, Bellamy, really. I’m trying to work and you need to leave.”

“Trying to work?... Clarke, there’s nothing more to work on! You’ve done all you can! You heard your mom. All we can do is wait. I know it’s hard, God, I know it’s hard okay? I’ve been here too. I’ve been watching this too. I’ve been hurting too.”

Now he’s letting his anger and frustration and exhaustion get the better of him. It’s word vomit and he can’t choke it down. He’s to open. To raw. 

“But apparently I have to do it by myself.” He scoffs, “Maybe if you took a five minute break from being her doctor and acted like her mom you’d see how much she needs you! She asked for you Clarke! All fucking day she asked for her mom! All she got was a doctor. She doesn’t need that, Clarke. Please.”

Bellamy regrets his words the instant he sees her chin trembling and eyes watering from where he stands across the room. She finally breaks. He waste no time practically running to her and wrapping his arms around her as she heaves gasping sobs into chest. “I can’t --If I--it’s just too much, Bell--I won’t…” Tears are brimming his eyes, his voice as watery as hers. “Clarke, shhh, shhh. It’s okay. I’m here. Breathe, baby. Just breathe.”

It takes a couple more minutes before Clarke can peel herself off his chest. His hands come to cradle her face, attempting to wipe the still falling tears. Clarke steadying her swaying body by grasping his wrists. 

“Bellamy, everytime I walk in there, it shatters me. I’m just trying to--stay standing. I can’t--if we lose her...” A choked sob makes its way from her throat and cuts off her thought.

“I know, I know. But Clarke, it’s not over. Okay? Hey, look at me.” Her glassy eyes finally raise to meet his. “It’s not over. It’s not the end. She’s better than she was yesterday. Let Abby be her doctor. What Gracie needs right now is her mom. So please come back to the room.”

“God, Bell. I’m just--I’m so sorry.”

Clarke is crying again with her cheek over his heart. Bellamy simply wraps an arm around her shoulder and tangles a hand in her curls, whispering into her hair. They stay wrapped in each other another few moments before Clarke pulls back and wipes her face with her shirt sleeve. Bellamy smiles softly at her.

“Your mom and Raven are with them in the room. Henry’s asleep but I don’t know how pleased Raven will be with holding a drooling toddler much longer.”

Clarke gives a weak laugh at that and nods. They walk out of her office together, Bellamy’s hand on the small of her back.

When they reach the door of their daughter’s room, Clarke turns and looks up at him. He can still see the fear and the hurt, there is no way to hide it. But then again you don’t escape pain, you simply survive it. Bellamy cups her face with his hands and kisses her forehead.

Raven looks up from her seat in the corner when they walk in. Henry is sleeping draped across her lap, drooling. Shocker. Gracie’s awake propped up on the bed talking quietly and giggling weakly with her grandmother. Clarke walks slowly to the bed and sits on the edge. A few words are exchanged, then Abby stands and walks out of the room, laying a hand on Bellamy’s shoulder as she goes. From the corner of his eye, Bellamy catches Raven shifting their son in her arms before she stands as well, stopping at his side. 

“He can stay with us tonight. I’ll bring him by in the morning.”

Bellamy nods his silent thanks and watches them leave. When he looks back, he sees Clarke laying beside Gracie in the bed. The five year old’s head is resting on her mom’s chest, bruised little IV hand sticking out from the hospital blanket. His heart squeezes. Clarke has an arm wrapped around her little body as she hums and runs her fingers through Gracie’s dark curly hair. 

Bellamy decides to sit and takes Raven’s place on the chair in the corner. For all the shit they’ve been through, you’d think there would be some relief in the aftermath. A reprieve from heartache and constant battle. From the painful tears. These have been the three longest days of their lives. But it’s not over. Gracie is still here. His family still needs him. Bellamy repeats that like a mantra. It’s not over. She’s still here. She’s getting better. We just need to wait. It’s not over. It’s not over. He lets those thoughts alongside the soft sounds of Clarke’s voice and his daughter’s breathing lull him to sleep.

There may not always be relief, but at least there’s still hope.


	2. The after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke, Bellamy and fluffy family time after Grace's stay in Medical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second part wasn't planned but I had little inspiration after posting the original part. Luckily I had a pretty lax weekend at school and had time to actually get my idea written out. This is pretty much all fluff but I do reference to the angst from the first part. Plus we all have enough angst and sadness to deal with in the show so might as well write these two some happiness right? 
> 
> I had my roommate check for any errors but we could've missed something. I hope you like it!

There’s a weight on her chest, a tickle under her chin and a funky smell filling her nose. Blinking her eyes open, Clarke’s suspicions are confirmed. Her half asleep, 3 year old son (with an apparently very dirty diaper) is trying to get comfortable wrapped around her torso. 

“Mama.” He grumbles tiredly, grasping at her shirt, as she sits up.

“I know, buddy, but Daddy needs to sleep and you stink.”

She shifts him so his head is on her shoulder, carefully getting out of bed and exiting the room as to not disturb Bellamy who is sleeping deeply, sprawled on his stomach. 

By the time she has taken care of the disaster that was Henry’s morning diaper, Grace is already awake and ready to take on the day. Way too ready in Clarke’s opinion. 

Clarke used to be a morning person. Loved to sleep in and spend as much time in bed as possible before facing the realities of life on the ground, even more so when she began spending those mornings with Bellamy. On her days off from medical and his from the guard or whatever random project he put himself on, they would spend hours just talking, laughing and loving. Not to say that all stopped when they kids, but days of sleeping in and morning relaxation were very few and far between. It doesn’t matter, Clarke will take it however she can get it. 

Clarke puts Henry on the ground with some toys while she attempts to wrangle the mess that is her daughter's hair into some braids. Henry and Gracie both inherited Bellamy’s tan skin and dark curls. As much of a hassle as the curls can be to tame sometimes, Clarke will never complain. She loves seeing the little pieces of Bellamy that grace their children’s features and personalities, as she knows he does the same. It’s a reminder of everything they’ve overcome and built together. Grace and Henry are their crowning achievements. 

It’s mornings like these where Clarke can’t help but think how stupidly happy and lucky she is. And it’s times like last week, where her daughter was sick and hurting and all she could do was watch, when she truly believes she doesn’t deserve any of what she has. It’s times like those that paralyze her with the fear that her children are going to have to suffer for her sins. Everything about that week completely drained her, emotionally and physically. Bellamy had barely managed to stop her mental breakdown while on the brink of one himself. Clarke’s come a long way over the years with a lot of help from her loved ones but no one as steadfast and solid as Bellamy. She used to think she couldn’t love anyone as much and as deeply as she loved him. Then she became a mom. 

Gracie is rambling on about a story Octavia told her a few days ago when the kids stayed with her for the day because Clarke and Bellamy’s shifts overlapped. 

“Gracie, honey, please stop squirming. I’m almost done.” Clarke scolds, chuckling. Her daughter can never stop moving, always has to be busy. She blames Bellamy. 

“But Mom, you’re taking too long. I wanna play.” She’s stubborn as hell too. Again, Clarke blames Bellamy. Bellamy blames her. 

Clarke barely manages to tie off the little, wispy braids before Gracie is up and bounding away to play with her brother. 

__________________

 

Bellamy inhales deeply, blinking the sleep from his eyes and stretching to rid himself of drowsy stiffness. He immediately reaches for Clarke beside him but finds her side of the bed empty. The giggles and footsteps that pour in from the main room of the cabin give him pause. Bellamy can’t contain the smile that spreads across his face.

They had only come home a week ago after a 6 day stay in Medical with Grace. She had caught some bad infection, the source of which they never did find, and there was nothing else to do but let it take it’s course. Bellamy couldn’t help but feel like it was all some sick form of punishment. Some way to atone for his actions. Bellamy knows he has to live with what he’s done, he’s accepted that. But he never wanted to have to watch his little girl pay for the past. Clarke had been there, soothing voice and soft hands, to hold him at night when all he could do was sob into her chest, apologizing over and over until his voice went hoarse and his eyes dry. She’d been there, amidst her own crushing sorrow, to remind him of all they still had, the life they’d built. His eyes burn when he thinks about how close it all came to falling apart. They got lucky. Really lucky. 

Bellamy swings his legs off the bed and pulls on the shirt he’d haphazardly thrown on the floor after his long guard shift. He shuffles to the door before stopping to lean against its frame and take in the sight before him.

Henry is running around the couch in nothing but his cloth diaper, carrying his makeshift sippy cup. Gracie is chasing him dressed in her pajamas. Clarke is sitting cross legged on the floor watching and laughing. Henry shrieks playfully as he rounds the end of the couch one more time before jumping into Clarke’s lap, who lets out a full bellied laugh in return. Gracie follows wrapping her arms around her mother’s neck, giggling just as loud. Bellamy doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything more beautiful.

“Well now, who forgot to invite dad to the party?” He asks, small smile gracing his lips.

The kids look up at him sheepishly before looking back at Clarke and breaking out into another fit of giggles. Gracie pushes off Clarke and runs toward him. Bellamy barely has time to get his arms up before the 5 year old launches herself at him.

“Morning Daddy!” She practically yells in his ear.

“Morning, Monkey.” He says presses a kiss to her temple, squeezing her tight.

Clarke is already off the floor, Henry on her hip. 

“I’m going to go clothe our son.” She says stopping for a quick kiss then walks into the kid’s room. Bellamy watches them before turning back to his daughter.

“Whaddya say to some breakfast?” 

__________________

 

Grace and Henry beg to play outside, their wish granted if and only if they help clean up breakfast. They’re pretty restless and don’t give much effort but Bellamy and Clarke let it slide and Bellamy is stuck finishing up. He does it gladly.

When he’s finished, he joins his family out front. Clarke is sitting on the top step, sketching. Grace is in the yard, bent down talking to Henry, trying to explain a game she learned at school. Bellamy comes up behind Clarke resting against the railing with his arms crossed.

“What time is your shift at Medical?” He asks.

“Mom gave me a half day. I go in at 2.” She answers, leaning back against his legs.

“She’s been giving you a lot of half days lately. Should I be worried?”

“No, I’m fine really. I just...I don’t know,” Clarke looks down, wringing her hands in lap. “I think she knows just how much these past couple of weeks have really shook me. It’s not like I’ve said anything or asked for the time off but she just--knows.”

Bellamy sits down next to her and places his hand over her knee. She lays her head on his shoulder and turns over his hand to lace their fingers together.

“Well. No complaints here.” He whispers.

______________________

It’s late before Clarke leaves medical. Even just working a half shift, she feels exhausted and can’t wait to get home. 

She’s smiles as she comes up to the Cabin. The lights are on in the main room and the blinds are open. Clarke opens the door and kicks her shoes off to the side, expecting Bellamy’s hello. At the silence, she looks up and sees the empty living room and kitchen. Curious, she continues on into Bellamy and her’s room. There they are sleeping on the bed, all three looking dead to the world. Bellamy is slumped against the pillows, glasses askew, with Henry passed out, drooling on his chest. Gracie is curled up to his side, mouth open and frizzy hair stuck to her cheeks. The book he had been reading them is limp in his hand, resting on Henry’s diapered bottom.

Clarke chuckles at the sight before walking over to Bellamy’s side. She takes off and folds his glasses, setting them on his nightstand, then does the same with the book. 

She returns to the room after readying for bed and finds Bellamy stirring awake. He gives a soft smile when she climbs in bed next to him.

“Hi.” She says quietly.

“Hey--sorry, must’ve fallen asleep while reading to ‘em.” He responds, voice still thick with sleep. “I can take them to bed.”

Clarke can see he really doesn’t want to. If she’s being honest she doesn’t really want him to either. She shakes her head, snuggling in behind her daughter.

“No, no don’t. It’s fine. They both look comfy. Besides, I kinda like it here.” She reaches up to run her fingers over his cheek.

He closes his eyes and smiles, leaning into her touch.

“Yeah. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos if you're feeling generous:) or if you think of something to say leave a comment, I'd love to hear it!


End file.
